The 3 Archetypes Preventing You From Feeling Safe to Be Feminine

Let's be real: the cool girl is a myth.

The idea of the "cool girl" has caused too many of us to feel like we have to fake who we really are in order to be seen as "cool" and chased by the hot guy. We think that we're hotter if we eat junk, can open a can of beer with our mouths, enjoy sports, and generally act unbothered. All it has done is shame women out of their truth.

Let's face it (and embrace it): we're sometimes emotional. Dramatic. Hormonal. Sensitive. Sexy. And no — we do not want to drink beer. We want Champagne, roses, foot rubs, warm baths, luxurious accommodations, to have our feet in the grass, to cry at our fave movie, etc.

...and it doesn't make us less worthy, sexy, hot, or deserving of love.

The cool girl was often seen as a guy's dream in TV shows, programming us to put this into our real-life reality. Unaware that TV is just TV... it's programmed many of us to push down our feminine expression like it's something that shouldn't be shown and will get us into trouble.

I remember when I was a teenager, always shoving down my truth to try and be a "cool girl" or the "one of the boys" girl. And it didn't make me happy in the slightest.

I've narrowed it down to 3 archetypes (boxes, really) that are preventing women from feeling safe to be feminine:

1. The Girl Boss

From a young age we think that if we're a "girlboss" and achieving external measure of success, we'll be happy and everyone will want to be our best friend.

The girlboss was being shown to girls in the playground and on TV. Many of us wanted to be "a girl boss" because growing up at school we saw the mums that worked, wore sexy outfits, picked their daughters up after a day in the office, etc as the "cool mums."

 Many of us grew up with the notion that life would be better if we were crushing it at our careers. The girlboss is positioned as someone that puts work first, is in meetings with men all day, and essentially hustling to the top. She's dressed to perfection, does it all, and doesn't shed a tear.

2. The "One of the Boys" Girl

The girl that has a lot of guy friends, but for some reason, they're not dating her. She wants to be "one of the guys" to be "cool." She subconsciously (or consciously) wants love from men, so she thinks that by becoming "one of the guys", she'll be more included and loved by them. Watching the game with him and doing guy shit doesn't make her more attractive to a masculine man — this is all a facade to keep her from being "too much" and/or "too emotional" for someone. She so deeply wants to be accepted and validated. She hopes that by being "low patience" and "cool" she'll be wanted and loved.

We see it on TV - she likes what he likes. She drives the cool cars, can open a bottle of beer with her teeth, and kicks back after a long day. The cool girls are always hot, are chased after by men, never got angry, and got all the attention. So we tell ourselves that in order to have Ashton Kutcher falling for you, be 'cooler.'

Here's the reality: when he sees you as "one of the guys," you lose polarity. What creates the sexual tension is the masculine/feminine (even in same sex couples). Maybe he likes you... but he doesn't cherish, protect, and provide for you the way your feminine heart is actually craving.

3. Miss Independent

Deep down she's actually afraid of giving control over to anyone for fear of being let down, so she does it all herself. She has a push & pull relationship with help — deep down she wants to ask for it, but won't let herself admit that.

She kinda gets off to doing it "all herself" and plays on that. She "doesn't need a man" and she can provide and protect herself. 

It makes her feel good about herself by doing things on her own and for herself. She's her own protector and provider, and finds it hard to let others in. Others would describe her as "powerful" and "determined", but the power and determination comes from a place of pain. When you've felt UNprotected by others, you learn to only rely on yourself.

Many girls are told and taught to not rely on men. On TV, these women are often shown as sexy, fashionable, and the women you want to be. Miranda from SATC is a "Miss Independent" and we also know she's deeply miserable.

If you buy into the idea of how a woman should be, you'll end up allowing yourself to be put in a box. And even if you think you're choosing the box, best believe you've probably been conditioned to think this is what you want.

There's no one way of being a woman, so let's take "should" out of your vocabulary when it comes to stepping into your femininity — make your own damn archetype. Because you are sexy, hot, fun, flirty, successful, and loved just the way you are (like a Bruno Mars song).

xx Monica

If you want to learn about the four flavors of the feminine as an extension to this topic, check out episode 319: The Gifts & Shadows Of The '4 Flavors Of The Feminine' - Creating Your Own Feminine Blueprint, Plus How This Relates To Your Business & Branding.

And my beloved program Queen Alchemy will help you heal your trauma and get into your feminine energy. Check out the testimonials, they're absolute magic!